


And One Taught Me Pain

by daydreams_and_nightmares



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, Gen, I took the little bit of angst in the show and ran with it, Like, Pre-Canon, Shadow Weaver's amazing parenting skills, kinda OOC, sue me, very angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:31:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daydreams_and_nightmares/pseuds/daydreams_and_nightmares
Summary: Shadow Weaver would never hurt her.





	And One Taught Me Pain

**Author's Note:**

> So I kind of took the angst in the show and amplified it by like a million?

Catra doesn’t remember where she came from. She doesn’t remember how the Horde got her. She remembers hiding though, the little nooks and corners that were too small and forgotten to be noticed. Shadow Weaver was always angry when Catra did that but she couldn’t help it. Something was always thrumming just beneath her skin, telling her to run, to hide, to get away. 

Having Shadow Weaver’s attention on her made it worse, made her freeze in place, ears flattened, by some unexplainable, heart clenching fear. Catra hated it. She didn’t understand it. Because Shadow Weaver would never hurt her. She took her in, gave her a home, protected her from whatever fate she would have had at the hands of the Princesses. Shadow Weaver was safe, she loved her. Catra didn’t think anyone had loved her before. Shadow Weaver would never hurt her. 

The first time Catra had displeased Shadow Weaver, she was maybe four. She hadn’t meant it. It was an accident. Her claws had just grown in and she’d had the sudden urge to scratch up everything in sight. That was the first time she had felt someone else’s presence inside her head. It took months for her to stop jumping at every shadow she saw. Shadow Weaver was forced to do it because Catra needed to be taught a lesson. She was being ungrateful, destroying Horde property like that, after everything the Horde had done for her. She deserved it. 

The second time, Catra had deserved worse. She was five and they had just begun their training. Adora was excited, so Catra was too. The thrumming under her skin never went away, but it was a little easier to hide it now, to take it out against the other cadets. It made it easier in training, to hurt others, to fight back. And Shadow Weaver was always pleased when she did well in training. Not this time though.

She was in a training simulation, Adora at her side, because they were a team, because she was Catra’s. They had batted away the bot, Adora striking at it with her staff and Catra ripping the wires out with her claws. And then, it had started sparking red. It made the thrumming strengthen, made the voice yell GET OUT because the sparks were red, and bright. They looked like pain, like shadows and magic and Catra wanted to go find the nearest corner and never leave. Catra didn’t remember what happened after, just Adora’s voice calling out to her. When she snapped out of it, Adora was on the floor, unconscious. The rest of the cadets gave her a wide berth. They looked at her like she was something horrible come to life. 

Shadow Weaver was angry. But Catra deserved it, she hurt Adora and that’s unforgivable. Catra deserved worse. At least this time, no one was in her head. She didn’t need to be, Catra still learned her lesson. 

The fifth time, Catra was six. The thirteenth time, she was seven. The twenty seventh time, she was eight. It was the thirtieth time when Catra swung at her and threw her mask off, which quickly became the thirty first time as well. 

By the fiftieth time, Catra was proud in a strange way, that made her chest ache and eyes prickle, that it didn’t hurt as much anymore. She wasn’t good enough, deserving, of Shadow Weavers love. That was all right, because Catra didn’t need her anymore. She had Adora, and Adora was her’s and they were going to get out of here one day. Together. And maybe, one day, she could be deserving of Adora’s love.

**Author's Note:**

> I modeled all of Catra's behavior off of traumatized cats so... there’s a lot there. This is my first fic so comments would be appreciated! 
> 
> Find me on tumblr @princess-of-sword-lesbians


End file.
